I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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