last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
