Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Randomize
