biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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