He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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