I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
