So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
