I feel like I'm in dance class right now
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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