whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
