I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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