omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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