wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
