Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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