i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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