time to smoke my breakfast
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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