he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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