dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
