All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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