I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
