Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
