Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
