so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
