I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
