can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
