I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
