If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
