I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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