Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
