If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
