I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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