no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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