Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
