If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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