K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
