I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
