that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
