i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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