eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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