I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
