Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
