Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
