What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Small penises have feelings too.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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