You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
