Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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