If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
All I want is dick and wine.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
