whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
