Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
