fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
