I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
