YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
