Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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