I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
