I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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