420 ftw
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
