Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
