Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
