I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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