he shaved USA in his pubs
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
