shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
