But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
