Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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