what day is it and did you see me today?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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