filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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