He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
