I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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