Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just invented taco cereal.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
