Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
