ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize