Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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