I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Randomize
