It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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