Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
