No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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