Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
