i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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